Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

Fairytale stories and the fables that we remember from our childhood are popular subjects for film and television right now, you only need to look at programmes such as Once Upon a Time, the 2011 flop-film Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Slayer (to name a few) to see that. Why is that, I wonder to myself? Is it because Twilight opened up the gates for a reinterpretation of traditional stereotypes – the vampire who is good… Or maybe because Hollywood has run out of original ideas? Or is it, just maybe, because everyone enjoys revisiting a familiar tale… The interesting thing about this tale is, though we remember it vaguely, it was never something brought to screen (not to my knowledge, anyway) for our childhood innocence to enjoy, meaning this film right here can do pretty much anything it wants – which is where the fun begins.


Rather than rehash a familiar tale writer and director Tommy Wirkola has transported the audience into the future, taking us on a journey set after the brave Hansel and Gretel defeat the terrible child-eating witch, and puts a unique spin on the story. The fact that Wirkola has made our childhood heroes adult is very important to the plot, because let me tell you right now, this film is NOT for kids. As our protagonists grow and their lifestyles morph into bloodthirsty witch hunters with a passion for slicing and dicing, so do their…language. Innocence and precociousness take a back seat to the “F#!*cks” and “Sh*#s” that come (in a hilarious nature might I add) from our protagonists mouths. Not to mention the odd dash of sex they add from time to time. As I said, not for kids. This places the film in a unique position and could very well have been the one thing that ruined it, though happily it didn't if the plans for a sequel are anything to go by, because it very much isolates the audience and relies on sentimentality for the childhood tale to draw cinema-goers in. If my opinion is anything to go by, then it is very much worth the purchase. Which brings me on to the cast and film portion of this post…


We begin our tale with the protagonists as children, witnessing their first witch murder, and boy does it get bloody up in that joint. Fast-forward to adulthood and we see Hansel and Gretel as professional witch hunters tasked with finding the coven which is responsible for the kidnapping of 12 children – of course it’s not long before the duo figure out that there is much more than your average ‘kidnap-and-eat’ scenario going on. 


Cue a bunch of awesome action sequences involving punches, cursing and the odd stab-wound here or there as well as a scene near the end which is oddly reminiscent of this moment in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe:

Except with less Minotaur's and dwarves and more strange looking witches with very bad teeth.

In terms of quality, this film has it in spades. The aesthetic style is reminiscent of films such as Sleepy Hollow, Red Riding Hood and Van Helsing, where much of the action takes place in a sleepy village and the inhabitants don’t seem to trust anyone: even the heroes! While the film is in keeping with the expectations of such a genre it does mix it up a little, and the plot takes a few twists and turns, which may surprise die-hard fans of the original fairy-tale. The surprise-twist definitely affects the genesis and development of the characters and adds a depth that opens this film up to a sequel. I don’t want to give away too many SPOILERS (so you might want to look away now if you want the film to remain a surprise) but for Gretel, the whole being a witch-hunter is something very close to home and her own situation.


All-in-all this film is definitely worth the view, the star-studded leads are excellent in all of their foul-mouthed-kicking-butt glory. Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton have the perfect onscreen chemistry as brother and sister and bring a life to these characters previously unseen. If you’re a fan of either of these I would highly recommend this production, it is an excellent addition to their already eclectic and increasing resume. 


Best line: (It seems fair to give the two main characters’ best lines…equal opportunity and all that. Plus I couldn't pick, both are hilarious and Hansel’s (Renner) is particularly well-placed within the film)


#1 Gretel: The curse of hunger for things that crawl. I fucking hate that one. 
#2 Hansel: Whatever you do, don’t eat the fuckin’ candy!


To cut a long story short…
Would I recommend this? Yes, if your open to the idea of a classic childhood tale being turned on its head (albeit in an excellent and believable way). A film ramblers star rating? 

That’s it for now folks…